When I was younger, I had a fear that something calamitous would happen to my health, and multiple sclerosis was my number one nightmare! As I got older, and bad things always seemed to happen to others and nothing seemed to happen to me, I began to relax.
Up until I reached the age of 30 I didn't really take care of myself, in fact I would have been a perfect example of what not to do if one wanted to live a long and healthy life!

Typically, I became a vegetarian in 1969 and I didn't like vegetables! I lived on doughnuts and chips for three years and not surprisingly became rather ill. I must have been in a pretty bad way because when my father had a heart attack and I went to visit him in hospital they kept me in!
I've been a vegetarian ever since but must admit to eating wine gums up until the 1980's when I found out about gelatine!

Then whilst sitting watching the first London Marathon on television I underwent the transformation from reprobate slob into fitness freak! Well the transformation didn't happen whilst sitting down watching the Marathon I had to work at it! I started to train; at first I took it rather slowly. For the first week I would walk up a hill then run back down it again but soon I was running miles. There is something wonderful about setting out on a long training run. After the first six miles I would drift off into a trance listening to the pitter-patter of my feet and watching the world bobbing up and down before my eyes. It's a wonder I didn't get run over by a car!

The next year I put my name down for the London Marathon but was unable to get into it so I finished up running the British Marathon, at Bolton, and the next year I ran it again. I didn't run any more Marathon's after that, it seemed a bit masochistic, but every year when it came round to March and the weather improved I would get my super lightweight running shoes out of cold storage and go running.
One March, I think it was 1993, I went out for my first run of the year, and didn't seem to be able to get myself going. What was it? Was it that 'old age thing' that I'd heard people talk about? Then I reasoned it must be because I'm not feeling so good today. I would try again in a few days but a few days later I felt just the same. After more failures I decided to leave it for that year, and try again next, but never did!

My stepdaughter, Victoria, who is an EEG technician (brain scanner), moved to Australia about 1990 and in 1997 she came to visit for the first time in two years. Because she hadn't seen me for so long she noticed how much my health had deteriorated since the last time we met and insisted on paying for me to go to see a specialist in London, then she went back to Australia. A couple of weeks later she rang to tell me I had multiple sclerosis! The specialist had got in touch with her because she thought it best for me to receive the news from somebody I knew. So I found out I had MS in a phone call from Australia.

It all felt so unreal I didn't feel ill enough to have Multiple Sclerosis. Anyway, surely I was too old to 'catch' it! I had always been under the delusion that MS was a young persons disease and when I reached 40 surely I'd be safe, obviously not!
My immediate reaction on being diagnosed was to exercise like mad. I would get rid of it before it arrived! In my bedroom there was a small gap between the bed and the wall and I would dance in this gap, to reggae music, in the knowledge, that if I fell over I would land on the bed!

Then it came to the problem of telling friends I was ill. At first I didn't tell anybody, and then something happened that I thought rather odd. The pub that I went in most often had a benefit concert with all proceeds going to the local MS Society. Apparently somebody else who went to the pub had a brother who had MS. It was a perfect opportunity to tell everybody the truth, so I did.

The thing I found most difficult was telling my parents, but they lived about 30 miles away so I didn't have to see them every day. At the time they were both in their late Seventies. I thought my mother would be okay; I'd always been able to talk to her, but my father? I was sure that if I told him what was really wrong he would look on it as a failure on his part. So for about a year I told them I had an in growing toenail and was convinced that I had them fooled. Then my dad died and I went over to be with my mother. The first thing she said as I walked through the door was, "Right, tell me what's wrong with you?" You can't fool your mother!

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My name is Richard; I am 50 years old and have MS. I wasn't very pleased when after a recent relapse I finished up in a Rehab Unit but realize that living on my own in a bungalow that this was a necessary evil. I suppose if I'm truthful the reason for my displeasure is that I'm scared of having to socialize again. My world has become so small these last few years and I don't think I have anything to talk about; I don't even go out to the shops anymore.

Wednesday evening.
Well I've had my first day and I think I could get to like it. There is such an interesting cross-section of society here because accident and disease are no respecters of social status. There's one guy, John, who has had a stroke. He was a bank manager. He still thinks that he will go back to the bank but I think it's wishful thinking on his part. You can tell he's used to getting his own way and finds it hard to accept what has happened to him. He can be a bit of a control freak, well he tries to be. I've found myself letting him have his own way just for a quiet life. On finding out that I play bridge he realised there were now four people in Rehab who knew how to play and wasted no time in organizing a game for us every evening in the Television Room. I don't mind I quite like bridge and didn't think I'd ever get a chance to play it again. I rarely see more than one person at a time so finding four who play in the same place just seemed like too much of an impossibility. This could be nice!

Thursday night
I seem to have drawn the short straw when it comes to my partner. Jenny knows the basic rules of the game but that's about it.?Tonight I was left in an impossible contract of 4 Spades and went 3 down.?When I ventured that she shouldn't return a bid if she only has 2 points in her hand she got the 'face on'. I was only trying to help and what I was saying was just common sense. She wouldn't bid for the rest of evening even when she had good hand!

Sunday night
The opposing team comprises of John and David who are both quite competent players and they win with boring regularity. Boring for me but apparently not boring for John because when I suggested we should change partners each evening he didn't seem very keen on the idea. We have been playing now for four nights and I'm getting a little fed up with getting beaten every time!

Monday night
Somebody new arrived today, her name is Rachel. She's another one of the 'stroke brigade', seems a bit on the deaf side as well because tonight she came into the Television Room and turned it on really loud. I could tell that John wasn't happy but he desisted from complaining because the game was nearly over anyway.

Tuesday night
We had just settled down to our game of cards when Rachel appeared and turned on television again. It was on loud and John could restrain himself no longer and asked her if she could turn it down a bit. She replied plainly ready for a confrontation, "It has to be on this loud because of you lot chuntering on in the in the corner." When John said that we are four and you are one she responded with, "Please correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this called the Television Room not the Card Room?" John wasn't best pleased by this turn of events but there was no way I was going to step in and try to help him out. To be honest I quite liked the idea of somebody standing up to the pompous sod! He spent the rest of the evening quietly fuming. He must have been distracted because we actually won a couple of hands!

Thursday night
For the last couple of nights we have been getting to the TV Room a little earlier because when Rachel arrives it becomes very difficult to concentrate on bridge. Today Jenny was discharged so we three blokes played whist instead. Rachel arrived and asked what game we were playing and when we told her she asked, "Would it be all right if I joined you then we could play bridge again?" I was taken aback to find out she that could actually play the game so I'm pretty sure to the others were.?She's good, really good.?We walloped them!

Friday night;
We walloped them again.

Saturday night
John and David decided that they didn't wish to play cards tonight and spent the evening in their own rooms, he-he! Rachel and I chatted and the conversation became quite personal. She told me her husband had died of a heart attack. Apparently he was fit as a fiddle then BANG! She got quite emotional while telling the story but as soon as she'd finished she was back laughing and joking again, she's a strong lady. I told her how Kathleen had left me and when I added, "Not surprising really she didn't bargain on me getting MS." She said, "Neither did you" then added, with feeling, to emphasize her obvious concern, "Oh Richard neither did you!"

Sunday night
We had the Television Room to ourselves again tonight, it was really nice. Rachel said that she thought the worst thing about being in a wheelchair was not been able to give people a hug. Then she smiled across and said, "Not being able to walk isn't so good either." We then spent a truly hilarious time, attempting to stand and give each other a hug. We managed to stand together for about three seconds before falling back laughing into the wheelchairs, she's ever so funny. In the short space of time we've known each other I've started to learn how to laugh again. I had thought my laughing days were over and that it was all downhill from now on. Now I'm feeling more optimistic about things, I think she genuinely likes me! I know we're going to keep in contact when we leave this place. She's going have to come round to me because she's more mobile than I am. She's a bit older than me but it's only numbers.

Monday night
Walloped them again, I think we make a really good partnership!

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The first time I saw Karen she was dancing and I remember thinking she was a good mover. I danced close by her so that she could see I was no slouch myself. Our eyes did meet momentarily and she smiled. Later I noticed she had gone and remember feeling sad about it.

The next week she was there again and she gave me a smile of recognition. Later I managed to have a word with her in the chill out room. She was friendly and I felt very attracted to her. I thought things were going really well but I went over to talk to a friend and when I returned she had disappeared.

I hoped she would come again the following week and when I spotted her once more I was determined that she wouldn't get away so easily this time. I approached her and asked why she had left so early on the previous two occasions. Was it because she had found somewhere wonderful to go that I was unaware of or was it because she would turn into a pumpkin if she didn't get home before midnight? I hoped what I said would make her laugh but she looked at me as if trying to decide whether she should tell the truth or not before saying that she had to get back early for the babysitter. She went on to tell me she had two children a boy, Thomas, aged six, and a girl, Debbie, aged five. I told her I was surprised because she didn't look old enough. The look she gave me told me she thought I had said that just to be nice but it was what I honestly believed. We talked further and I found out she had split with her husband two years before. All too soon it was time for her to go but we did kiss goodnight, which I was pleased about.

The next time we met I finished up catching a taxi back to the house with her. When the babysitter had gone home we had a nice time listening to music and chatting about our lives. She told me she hadn't had a relationship since her husband had left and had been very lonely.
When she asked if I would like to stop the night I said that I'd like that very much!

In the morning, as they say in all the best Mills and Boon novels, Karen woke up early and said she hadn't cooked for anybody for a long time and would like to make me some breakfast. There were just a few things that she needed to get from the shops. I told her that she shouldn't go to so much trouble but she insisted. When she left I stayed in bed relaxing in the afterglow, reflecting on the previous night.

Not long after Karen had gone the bedroom door opened and a little girl obviously Debbie came in. She put her finger to her mouth indicating that I should be quiet, before whispering, "Thomas is looking for me but he won't find me because if I keep really still he can't see me." I smiled and said, "Is that so?" Just then footsteps were heard noisily coming up the stairs and she said, "He's coming," then froze into a pose right in the middle of the bedroom floor.

The door opened and in came Thomas. He looked straight ahead and lifted his nose and sniffed the air like a bloodhound. Then he listened intently while Debbie kept as still as a statue. After what seemed like an age he suddenly burst into action, looking under the bed, in the cupboard and behind a chair. He glanced across at me a couple of times but considering he was supposed to be looking for Debbie and she was in full view he wasn't doing very well. When he had completed his inadequate search he went out of the door again and his footsteps could be heard stamping down the stairs. When he reached the bottom Debbie smiled across at me and said, "You see if I keep really still he can't see me," then she left, leaving me scratching my head.

All this happened eight years ago and last night I reminded Debbie about this incident. I said smiling, "Do you still believe that if you keep really still Thomas won't be able to see you?" She looked at me with an incredulous look on her face and said, "Dad, you can be really silly sometimes. We knew there was somebody in the bedroom and wanted to see who it was so we thought of a cunning plan." I felt such a fool!

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